Sorry
by Rue Bear
Summary: The immediate events following Happy's exit 2x24. originally posted on my tumblr but have made a few edits
1. Chapter 1

I'm sorry (Quintis)

She had rushed from the garage as quickly as her legs could carry her, she couldn't stand it the tension her answer left in the room. She had said no. She really hadn't wanted it to have come to this, leaving Toby blind sided and in so much pain, he was hurt and confused but he wasn't angry she knew that, his fury was never something she had to fear. he didn't have it in him to cause pain, in all the time she had known him, he never looked to raise his voice or fist towards anybody. he had so often been in such a mess after a fight after a night at the tables all due to the fact he would never fight back. it was a choice, physically he could pack a punch and do some real damage if he wanted too but he never would. He was too kind, too gentle and despite her every flaw, he loved her and embraced her unpredictable and guarded nature without reserve, never holding her mistakes against her. A large part of her wanted him to be angry, to hate her as much as she hated herself. She had tried to stop him, to make it as plain as day that she didn't want to have him profess his love and kneel before her, ring in hand. She needed time, time to be available and in a position of which she could have said yes and avoided all this. if it would change anything to do so she would have run straight back to him and taken it back, said yes, kissed him and confront the issue of being already married in a later and more private moment. instead she had panicked and shut down and had acted so quickly that she didn't think. She had asked him not to follow, and he hadn't. And that kinda hurt.

When the door opened and thud shut it was Sylvester standing there, nervously picking at the band aid wrapped around his ring finger. The sight of him had resulted in the sob she had so desperately been trying to contain, escaping her. She couldn't breathe, her head was spinning. it had gone so wrong. so, so wrong. She had been so close to losing him and the thought terrified her. Despite having been rescued, he was now still lost to her. They had come so close to making it through the day intact and now in the space of a moment they were so broken, maybe beyond repair. He would forgive her,she knew that but she didn't deserve his forgiveness, his love. He would internalize and blame himself, ripping himself to pieces despite having no reason to, this one was on her. She didn't know what to do, how to fix it. Sly carefully made his way towards her she buried her face in his jumper and cried. She felt bad for how awkward she was making things for him as he carefully patted her back. she eventually gathered herself together enough as to pull away. She gave him as much of a smile as she could muster.

"where is Ralph? I'll take you both home"

there was a sudden rough voice from the darkness behind them both, neither one had noticed their handler slip though the door.

"I'll be doing that Kid, Ralph is packed and ready in the SUV, Happy you have at least a friendship to salvage tonight"

she was quiet. The tension thick as to whether she would agree to go back inside or bail. Eventually she spoke

"..is he ok?"

"no…yes. He will be, you have really done a number on him kid. he's in a lot of pain and I don't blame him" Cabe moved forward to gather her in his arms "but I don't blame you either"

"Cabe, you don't understand, I.." he released her and held up a hand silencing her

"Happy you don't have to justify your decisions to me, I don't expect to know why you kept this to yourself, but that man inside who would do anything for you,listen to anything and everything you have to say, he needs to know."

"I don't know how..I don't..I'm scared"

"of what?"

"that he might forgive me, might still love me but will never look at me the same way, unable to trust me or that I'm being honest. Or that he no longer does, that I think it might just kill me"

Sylvester piped up

"I think that the chances of that are incredibly minute, Happy please trust me when I say, as a husband, a friend to both you, an outside spectator of his adoration and also as his proposal aid and confidant. Toby needs to hear the truth, whatever it is, it could never be as bad as the thoughts and reasons he is creating himself. for your sake, his and ours, go inside and help him. please.

"I will…I just need a minute."

"would you like us to stay?"

"no! No, thanks but, this is something I have to do alone."

Cabe pulled out his keys and gave her a soft pat on the back

"goodnight kid, and good luck"

she gave a scathing laugh

"thanks"

she gave Sylvester a look of apology and a fist bump and gave them a soft wave as they drove away. she took a deep breath, she decided to hop into her truck for a bit to think. if she was going to try to explain this as painlessly as possible she had to think through what she was going to say and how she would say it. this was not something she wanted to be misunderstood about. it was to be the truth..with a few details that he really didn't need to hear redacted.

after an hour she finally summoned up the courage to face him. she quietly opened the door and silently made her way towards where he imagined he would be, his desk. if he had left she didn't know what she would do or where she would have to begin to look. she could only hope that Walter would have stopped him should he have shown signs of heading toward the betting table.

he wasn't at his desk and Walter seemed no where to be found. She quietly made her way upstairs and there he was, laid out on the couch, hat covering his face his mug and bottle of alcohol abandoned on the table. she moved them out of the way and sat down on the edge. She softly lifted the hat off of his face. His face was slightly red and eyes a little puffy, and the lines of his tears had dried on his cheeks. he was asleep and looked so young. so vulnerable. so hurt. she gently traced the line of his lips, slightly parted and pouting a little, she would sometimes watch him sleep on the nights she couldn't. She ground her teeth trying to stop the flood of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her once more.

"I'm so sorry Toby, more than I will ever be able to put into words."

she knelt down beside him placing her cold hand on the side of his warm, flushed face and taking his hand in her other, whispered

"I love you"


	2. Chapter 2

She couldn't bring herself to wake him she instead sat for 2 hours with Toby's unfinished mug of tequila, just watching his steady breathing, the phone beside her suddenly rang. The blaring noise disturbed Toby, swearing quietly Happy quickly grabbed it and shut it up before it could fully wake him.

She answered with a harsh whisper

"what?!"

"you haven't spoken to him"

"what? Yes..!

"no you are whispering, ere go you wimpled out."

she caught the accusing, knowing tone in Sylvester's voice and anxiously picked at a loose thread on her seat.

"I didn't wimp out, he was asleep so I just left him."

"Wake him Happy! Talk to him, do you think he would really want to be asleep right now when you are there and willing to talk, he could be re-living the nightmare that is the last 24 hours and you are sitting there making excuses!"

the tears dampened her lashes

"I know."

"I can't sleep, you can't sleep and he won't want to be asleep until there has been some sort of impasse reached."

"I love him sly, I love him so much and I don't want to see it. I don't want to see the pain I keep causing him. He deserves more. He deserves so much more than me. I promised, I promised myself I'd never fall again and I have. So hard and I can't stand it. Any other man and I'd have left and never looked back, I'd have just vanished but I can't leave. I can't leave him!

Half of her words were undistinguishable from the intensity of the emotions she felt and desire to leave him sleeping peacefully, she gave an inch and her sobs would echo the entire room. But Sly understood well enough and found tears in his own eyes. Muffling her choking sobs with her sleeve she closed her eyes, let her tears roll freely and the silence eat at her. There was no sound for a long time the phone slid a little in Happy's loose grip, not caring if it fell and smashed into a thousand pieces yet she heard the small sound as Sylvester regained his composure. He finally spoke up with a crack in his voice.

"Then tell him"

Long gentle fingers wrapped round her wrist and his other hand took the phone from her grasp, she opened her eyes to his muddy puddle bloodshot ones. The soft O' of her mouth made when she took in his crouched form at her side. He brought the phone to his ear his eyes never leaving hers.

"he heard" he rasped.

He stood up steadily for one who had very nearly finished the bottle of tequila. He turned away and spoke calmly and gently to Sylvester for a moment, if she could have focused she may have heard the exchange but her focus was on trying to regain some composure. She was wiping away the remnants of her tears with her damp sleeve when he tuned back to her.

"Thanks bud...yeah... see you later"

he met her eyes as he ended the call. She watched him sat on the edge of her seat, he took a deep breath as to say something instead he released it just as quickly before turning and silently leaving the space. She paused as to what this meant. Follow? Don't follow? Make up your own mind? She waited till she heard him descending the stairs to quickly follow. Was he mad? Did he want to hear what she had to say? Could he not stand to look at her? Was he leaving? Where was he going? To gamble? To spite her? Because he no longer had a reason not to? Because he no longer cared?

She stood at the top of the staircase and watched him as he moved towards his desk and began placing his things into it. She held her breath unsure as to his reasons and whether to stop him. He wordlessly walked out of her view of sight, she slowly and carefully made her own way down the stairs, watching him as he moved about the kitchen. he filled two glasses with water and brushed past her as if he didn't see her. as he walked to the sofa, placed the glasses on the table before sitting down. He sat and watched he as she stood and anxiously watched her. He looked so relaxed, tired but relaxed, an occasional smirk twitching in the corner of his lips, hooded eyes unblinking. What was he thinking. Posture open and testing. Arms stretched out along the back of the sofa, legs open and head tipped back a little. Still she stood only shifting her weight as to be looking at him head on and crossing her arms across her chest feeling rather exposed to him. He quirked an eyebrow at her stance. Of course even tipsy he was still reading her every expression and movement. Ok so she was getting a little irritated with this.

"look are you going to stop being an ass and talk to me!"

for a millisecond the mask dropped before it returned once more.

"You are the one with something to say apparently."

she had been around him long enough that this cocky bravado he was subjecting her too was a way of keeping his heart protected from any more damage and her at arms length. At least what she was hoping, to feel secure enough to open up to she needed her Toby, not this thing that watched her with dead eyes and locked jaw. It was the glisten that shone when he darted his eyes to the side and the running of his tongue across his lips that told her his defences were up but he was suppressing the hurt, probably to spare her the guilt- he was that selfless. She darted to sit on the end of the sofa. His fingers twitched at being so close to her shoulder as if they longed to touch her but when she shifted her position and it may have looked like she was going to scoot closer to him his entire body flinched, she saw the relief in him when she didn't. That hurt more than the tears ever could.

She told him everything. She didn't tell him why she never mentioned it before, there was no good enough reason as to why and it didn't matter. She should have told him. He hardly spoke but when he did that was all he said " you should have told me" and he was undeniably right. by the end of it she was leaning as close towards him as she dared and he continued to study the empty glass held in his hands, every flaw and imperfection was studied and scrutinised by his eyes as it had from the moment he finished the water it held. Hers sat untouched. If she had stopped for a moment she couldn't reliably say she would have been able to continue. They sat in silence the only sound being their steady breathing and the occasional sound of Toby's nail on the glass as he inspected it. It was barely a whisper when she eventually spoke.

"Can you forgive me?"

He looked round to her eyes intensively locking on hers. His hand stilled on the glass and he placed it to the side of him. He slowly leaned towards her till their noses were a breath apart.

"You were forgiven before you even reached the door sweetheart, I just wanted you to stay"

she closed the space till she could feel the coarse hair covering the top of his lip brush against hers.

"always" she breathed

his lips ghosted hers, she reciprocated the kiss. His nose rubbed along hers, she was overcome by the sense of peace which washed over her,this felt so intimate, she never thought she would feel so connected to another person,she had heard and read of experiences of others talking of such a connection, of something deeper,spiritual if you believed in such things, she always considered that it came from sex- literally becoming one with another person and had come to accept that it was something that she would never obtain or was all imaginary, but she had been wrong, it came from a moment of complete vulnerability and openness, the laying out of two hearts, completely bare. Heartbeat pounding and breathing in time with the another. She had found it with Toby. She don't know who moved first or how long they had been like that but she found herself looking back into the depths of his loving eyes.

"are we going to be ok?"

"yeah, I think we are."

They ended up curled up on Walters bed talking Toby stroking a steady hand though her hair as she traced patterns across his chest. They laughed at the thought of Walter's confession of love to Paige, neither one believing that Tim would be too heartbroken, a blind man could see the torch they both held for the other.

They both lay content, dozing in one another's embrace till the light of the morning began to shine through the window, rousing them.

The morning consisted of both going for a shower, grateful for Paige's idea of keeping spare clothes at the garage. Whilst happy was in the shower Toby ran out and brought in breakfast. When he returned happy was dressed with her wet hair wrapped up in a towel on top of her head. He had expected her to be at her bench but no, she was pottering about tidying up, he saw that she had swept the mess of the proposal into a small pile and was now clearing the table. He approached her from behind and placed the bag on the table

"Hot coffee and sesame bagels for milady"

she had not been sure how easy it would be to fall back into their old routine but Toby did it with ease almost like yesterday had not happened.

"Great, thanks Toby" she turned and caught herself, she had gone to kiss him. He noticed. He wrapped an arm around her back bringing her closer to him. A smirk on his mouth.

"it's ok. I don't bite. Well...I say that"

it was so easy for him. She smiled, she couldn't help it.

She slowly raised herself onto her tip toes and cupped his jaw slowly bringing his lips to hers. Their first proper kiss since...everything. Yeah everything was going to be ok.

They were sat on the sofa when he piped up.

"Do you want to see it?"

She looked at him puzzled.

"The ring."

oh. the ring. Was it wrong she was curious? Was he testing her?

"Sure"

he swung her legs off him and ran over to his desk and came back carrying the box, he sat down and pulled her legs back over his lap before handing it to her.

She took a quiet breath then opened the lid. It was beautiful and so much thought had gone into it. She knew that from having seen it the first time but it wasn't till now when she got to study it closer that she realised how much love,and knowledge had really gone into it. It was everything she never realised she wanted. She swiped at the few rouge tears escaped her eyes.

"Hey. Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah, Toby...it's perfect. I so wish I had been able to say yes."

"I know,i know...next time"

she couldn't help but laugh, he was amazing really. The only man who could be cracking jokes about a rejected proposal that wasn't even 24 hours old.

He took her hand

"I have to apologise, I should have listened when you told me to stop. I guess I let Collins get to me. He said you couldn't, I'm not sure how he knew but I wanted to prove him wrong...prove to myself that he was just trying to plant doubt in my mind. I thought I knew you far better than he ever could."

She gently pulled his face to look at her.

"You do, I kept that to myself, but you do know me, far better than Mark Collins ever could."

she moved to be straddling his lap and pulled him close so their foreheads were pressed up against one another.

"because you are my best friend, and I love you"

He smiled up at her

"hmmm I think that's the first time you have said that, when you know I've been listening. And don't you know that there is an old saying of "don't marry the man you fall in in love with, marry your best friend".. or something to that accord"

she gave him a soft smile

"there is also one about girls marrying their fathers,and I guess I kind of did, Bad dad- bad first husband. But now I've found my dad, and understand-

"Thanks to me"

she pursed her lips and fought the smile

"yes thanks to YOU, I understand why he did, what he did and he's really a great guy so hopefully now, husband number two will be a far better man.."

she sighed dramatically watching out of the corner of her eye Toby's reaction

"now I just have to find him..he'll have to meet the criteria though, just so he isn't too similar to my dad. No facial hair-

Toby's grip on her hips intensified a little

"-a real smart dresser-like Walter! And defiantly no hats. Ugh can't abide a man who wears hats!

Happy suddenly found herself being hovered above by Toby. A grin on his face.

"You love the hat! Admit it! Admit you love my hat Happy Quinn, or I will tickle you."

"you wouldn't dare"

"Try me"

"I'll hit you"

"give it your best shot, I'll have you know I'm quite the boxer"

"yeah and I'm quite the comedian"

When Sylvester and Cabe carefully walked in, phone calls had hailed no response and just in case they had left Ralph in the car in fear that since they didn't know what they might be walking into they didn't want to returning him to Paige scared for life. They picked up speed though when they heard a shriek.

"OK!,OK! I LOVE THE HAT. I LOVE THE STUPID FREAKING HAT!"

and there before them lay a very flushed Happy and Toby.

"Well at least we know you weren't murdering one another. I can now safely bring in the kid"

Sylvester eye'd them up carefully

"We good?"

Happy and Toby looked at one another a little out of breath and disheveled but grinning none the less

"yeah bud, were good"


End file.
